My father passed away when I was 18 years old. We hadn’t been close in some time, as teenage girls often pull away from their parents during those coming-of-age years. The last time I saw him alive he was in an emergency room with some ten frantic doctors hovering over him trying their best to revive him, but I knew it was too late. I knew that he would be gone, and that the man who was supposed to be my protector was headed to heaven. My first thought, literally, was “who will walk me down the aisle?” Hysterical, I only pulled myself together went I felt a warmth around me that ensured me everything would be alright. It was God telling me that my Dad was finally going to be better.
Years have passed, and after a lot of anger I finally forgave my father for dying so early. It may sound strange, but I feel that he and I have a better relationship now than we ever did when he was alive. My mother took it hard. She lost weight that she couldn’t afford to lose and cried herself to sleep every single night for over a year. Holidays proved to be the worst, as without my Dad to arrange the events they would not be the same. I tried to keep his traditions going for some time by buying tons of Christmas gifts or hundreds of dollars of fireworks, but our family soon accepted that those days would be different, and that different was alright.
I had my share of bad relationships, and I know Dad was there to ensure that I was a strong woman who would walk away from them. In fact, two nights before a boyfriend turned violent, he came to me in a dream and warned me to get away. It was only in hindsight that I realized that these dreams were truly messages from him.
Eric and I met while working together about three years ago. I was apprehensive about him meeting my family, as we are quite a peculiar bunch. What I most worried about was that he did not judge me because of my brother, who chose a life filled with drugs and crime. I was embarrassed! I sent him a text across the table where my family all had gathered that said “I hope you don’t run away because of my family”, and he replied, “I’m gonna love you forever”. That was when I knew he was different.
I went back to school to finish my degree shortly after we got together. I had taken a ‘short break’ when my Dad passed, which turned into many years off. During school Eric helped me tremendously with bills. Not only bills, he surpassed any expectations I had of him, by becoming the man of the family. As both of my brothers live in other states, Eric has helped my mother and I in so many ways. He is the handyman, the oil-changer, the heavy lifter, the security giver, and the provider for us both…he has filled a void that only a man can fill without my even asking. He and my mom have a great relationship, unlike any ‘man’ I had dated in the past.
On May 16th I finally graduated college. It was a bittersweet feeling sitting in my cap and gown at the ceremony because it was my Dad’s 59th birthday that day. It hit me hard when grads spoke about how their parents were so proud of them. I must have held back tears fifteen times in those two hours as I remembered seeing my Dad in the stands at my high school graduation. His seat was now empty and no one could fill it. I told Eric when we stopped for breakfast after the ceremony to warn my loved ones to “not bring him up” because it was a hard day for me.
I had a great graduation party following, where family from all over and friends came to celebrate with me. Nothing could top off the feeling of having so many loved ones around me. I never celebrate for myself, and I finally accomplished something that I worked at for eight years! And then Eric made the day even better. He proposed to me in front of all of my friends and family, on bended knee. It was surreal. On my Dad’s birthday, on my graduation day, he did it! It was the best day of my entire life.
We plan to be married on May 16th, 2010--my Dad’s 60th birthday. I know that he approves, because Eric has proved himself to be the strong man that I never realized I needed. My Dad sent me a man who takes care of me and my mother, who loves to celebrate holidays and family in a big way just like him, who would do anything for those he loves. I cannot wait until our families are joined officially. I am living my fairy tale.
P.S. - I’m pretty sure my Dad will be there to walk me down the aisle after all.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
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